May I pray for us

Ma Belle Lilis,
New centre light of my life.
Long sought of my missing rib. 
Long sought of hereafter come on earth angel.
Empress of my heart. Half of my being.


God really is a teaser.


You see, the day I say my vow to thee dear love, was the brightest day on earth, even ocean and all its populations held their breath for us.
The day promise us so many joy and happiness. 
Endless one.
Yet, on the other hand, God, the master of irony showed me a glimpse of days full of pain and tears. 
I was shattered by the vision.


How can I not shattered?
The idea of hurting thy tender soul was unbearable.
The thought of tears shed from your gentle heart was excruciating.
Imagine that, on the day of unspeakable happiness, seeing grim days of tears and cries.
How ironic can that day be?


Thus, we walked our walk, we stood by the talk we've talked.
Here we go, three years now. Seemed like last night.
Here we go, 1.095 days 
26.280 hours
1.576.800 seconds later
Happiness we surely enjoy.
Tears obviously we've withstood.
Thank you dear love.
Thank you for walking the walk by my side.
I shall walk the walk tall with thee in my heart.
May there be millions more seconds I pray.
I thank thee for the day.
I thank thee for today.
I thank thee for thousands days to come dear love.


Jakarta, March 6th, 2012

Missing Rib

Missing rib is the one ye blame
Yea this I know thou minds
Deny ye may try
I shall not bend on ye cry
Despise me all ye can
She completes me as a man
Dare ye to choose evil doer
This I doubt not a tiny
Fake pray ye may say
Mercy I beg for ye sake
Bogus faith ye may say
Pure love I have for the day
Missing rib always the one ye blame
Missing rib I shall not let in flame
Read this ye
Comprehend me
Ye shall see
Heaven with me

Jakarta, April 29th, 2010

Father Read This

Father, read this

This me about to be a father

Father, read this

This me on the brink of new fear

Father, read this

This me dare not cry out

Father, read this, really
Wonder what thou would do
If thy son killed by a stranger
Wonder what thou would say 
If thy son under fear early in his life
Wonder where thou would turn
If thy son could not speak of his fear
Wonder How thee would see
If thy son constantly bullied by a stranger


Father, read this, really
This me tied by blood
Father, read this, really 
My awakening call for you
Father read this, really 
Please observe closely
Father, read this, really 
Understand my circumstance


Father, rise up and tell me 
What to do
What to say
When to do 
When to say
Father, read this, really
This me waiting for immediate answer
Father, read this, really
Thou son future is in thy wisdom 


Father, read this, really
Comprehend these words, thy son will be saved 
Father, long time no see, really
This me missing you 
Father, long time no see, really
This me longing thou to take me
Father, long time no see, really 
This me wishing thou wisdom to save me
Father, long time no see, really
This me wishing thou comprehend and save me
Father, save me...take me with you...
Missing you...


jakarta, Februari 22nd 2010

Beauty Is YOU

Beauty is not thy color

It’s how close we are

Not thy shape

It’s how we bond

Not thy richness

It’s how we embed our hearts

Not thy cuteness

It’s how we connect

Not thy flirt

It’s how thee comfort me

Not thy sigh

It’s the peace thee brought

Not thy shyness

It’s thy warmth

Not thy sweetness

It’s thy nobility

Beauty is YOU

YOU are beautiful my love.

Happy return of the day Liesku.

Thank you for everything.

Love you with my whole being…

Please Tell Me

Can you show me how thee happy

Can you tell me how thee cross the river?

I need to know

I need to cross

Border of line

Line of love

None ever thought crussading through oneself

None want to face excrutiating moments of truth

Ooo beloveds…release me

Release me to the unknown chapter

Let me go

Let me swimm the mystery of words

So that I am what I am

So that I am who I am

Won’t you happy to see me standing tall?

Won’t you glad I am the triumphant?

No…no…no… Not this tall

Not this triumph

Not wihtout thy sacrifice

Not without thy prays

Can you tell me…


Jakarta, 20th February, 2010

It's Not easy

It’s not easy being a man
Happy you want
Happy you dream
Not always what it seems.
Tragedy never came to common
Be great to experience real tragedy
Or tragedy first? Great or not?
No guarantee.
It’s not easy being a man
Life will never let it easy for you
Great men face the great feelings of tragedy
Noble grieve of lost, fear, amidst glimpse of hope
They enjoy it. Love it not but embrace it surely
Commoners blew things up hoping to make it tragedy
Commoners thought daily pains are tragedy to great them
Nothing daily can great a man
Only pure tragedy can great us
Are sure you are great enough to deserve the world?
Are you comfort enough with your greatness?
No….don’t get me wrong dear…look abroad….
What do you see? Great tragedies brought great ones arose
Causing tremendous tears incredible endurance
Adore as you wish, despise as you like, great men are great.
Mistakes they made, shines they brought, they are great.
Great men are great. They are men.
It’s not easy being a man. When your time is up, It’s not easy….

Jakarta, July 9, 2009

Korean Woman

A woman sang 60 hours
For her brain damaged husband
Breaking records of a German
A woman giving all she could do
For her beloved husband
Breaking everyone’s heart

He meant a lot to her
She did everything in her power
He is the one for her
She is not a sinner

Korean woman,
How can you possibly do that
O Korean woman,
What kind of love she had

Now look at me,
I’m young and healthy
Look at me,
Not too bad looking although a bit skinny

You see, my love is a true one
Not a one night stand
You see, it’s you I want
Never let you out of my hand

Look what you did
Look what you gave me
Where are you now
To see me down

Look my love, look what have I become
Look my love, this is me got no where to call home
Is it love, my darling?
Is it your gift, or God’s will?

No, I don’t think it’s destiny my dear,
I’m sure it’s not what we’ve meant to be
Trust me woman, you are way out of my limits
Losing you again is biggest hit

Thank you I wish could say
But not today
Thank you thought will be in my whole life
My eternal happiness you’ve wiped

Alone sat on the sand
Remembering when I was your man
Alone on my bed
Glimpse of you I’ll never had

Trust me, I’ll never trust again
Not to be betrayed again
Not to be trashed again
Not to be deceived again

O yes, I’ll never trust again. Not ever


Jakarta, February 16, 2007

A Promise for Mankind

Lonely, I’m so lonely
The feeling inside I can’t get rid
Shadows used to be around me
I never knew till it was done
I am one of son of sin
Son of sin singing song of sin
In the house of all sins
The evil would never win they says
But I’m son of sin
How could that be?
Today sin is everywhere
That’s why I’m singing songs of sin
Evil still has power
That’s why sins would never over
Game continues
Show goes on
And hell become beautiful
Heaven is just a dream
The world is everything
Don’t matter others
There’s no such thing
As truth
If you don’t play by the rule
So long rule’s creatures!
Bye, you would never live
You would never win
Just remember this, sinners!
Moment of truth is getting closer
Doomsday is a promise
See you in promised day!

Jakarta, June 30th, 1994

My Sorry for Thine Sorrows

I see you in the dark
I call you don’t hark
Darkness had you blind
Decision is thine
I know your fear of evil
I reach out my hands
You don’t stand a chance
Emptiness had you deaf
I give right you take as left
I understand your loneliness
I’m there you don’t care
I say the truth you call me loco
You’ll never know what is tomorrow
We got to live today as it ain’t hay
Thee got to see what I’m gonna be
Don’t blame anybody but mirage in the mirror
One day thee will see what I want you to be
There are ways to Rome
But way to heaven is my own
And you infringe it
You stuck in freezing dreams
You trapped in melting ideas
You dead before live
You end before began
You faded before blossom
I’m sorry brother, sorry for thee
I’m sorry for being me
I’m sorry for being your failed friend
I’m sorry for my madness
I’m sorry for sorrows I cost you
I’m sorry for heartaches I made
I’m sorry for trying
I’m sorry brother, sorry for thee…

Jakarta, September 23rd, 1994

What It Does To ME

Does love meant to be beautiful.
Does it meant to brighten
Does it meant to heal
Does it meant to soothe
Does it meant to be joyous
Does it meant to be glorious
Does it meant to grow
Does it meant to create
Does it meant to caress
Does it meant to thrill
Does it meant to peace
Does it meant to unite
Does it meant to be heaven
Does it meant to understand
Does it meant to forgive
Does it meant to forget
Does it meant to be sweet
Does it meant to be nice
Does it meant to be true happiness
Does it meant to be true honesty
Does it meant to be bliss
Does it meant to bless
Does it meant to give
Does it meant never give up
Does it meant never surrender
Does it meant fatigueless
Does it meant innocent
Does it meant naive
Does it meant stupid
Does it meant stubborn
Does it meant persistent
Does it meant blind
Does it meant indignity
Does it meant to strengthen
Does it meant to weaken
Does it meant to you
Does it meant to me
Does it meant to us
Does it meant nothing…..

Jakarta 19 March 2007

Wretched LOVE

This pain
This agony
This anguish
Never imagine
Never even thought
Would come from you
Would done by you
My love,
You are my love.
You are my life
Nothing could replace you
None could replace you
My love,
You are my hope
You are my soul
Nothing could bring rainbow like you
Nothing could bring colors like you
My love,
You are my peace
You are my comfort
My love,
You are my happiness
You are my composure
My love,
Where are you now?
How are you now?
What are you doing now?
My love,
How could you do this
How could you do this
Left me so devastated
Left me so dead
What for?
My love,
What for?
My love,
Bring me not gold
Bring me not the world
Bring me not silver
Bring me not water
Bring me not bread
Bring me not the bed
My love,
Just undone this pain
Just undone this agony
Just undone this anguish
My love,
Just be with me
Just cherish me
Just caress me
Just love me
My love,
I love you.

August 26, 2006

SHE's To Me

She’s a diamond
No matter how thick the muck is
No matter how deep she’s been drawn
She’s a diamond
People might say how stupid thou
How can one take such a disgrace?
Why would thee close thy eyes
What good does she could bring
The question is can one see what he sees
The thing is can one hear what he heed
The deed was clear
The evil so stood out
Yet none could help to notice
She’s a victim
Not a doer
She’s a sufferer
Not a triumphant
To a clear eyes
She’s a diamond
A true one
Note that she’s a true one!
Not a boondoggle
Not a Sahara
She’s a diamond really to me

December 2nd, 2004

For God sake, Never Again 'Till Time Tells

How can I forget her
She’s the one who lied to me
She’s the one who set me up

How can I forget her
She’s the only girl I’ve ever touched
She’s the only girl I’ve ever want

Days when we’re together
Are sweetest
Days when we’re gather
Are best
It’s all now just
Sad sweet past
Memories fraught of pain
Games I won’t have again

May God be on my side
For this pain I have inside
May God mercy me
For I had adultery with thee

May God help me
For I’m trying to be


Jakarta, December 11th, 1996

SOMETHING TO DECIDE

Anger really bothers
Make me rather
To blubber
The conceit in me
I don’t care
I must be aware
It’s easy to say
But hard to stay
Lot easier than I thought
Lot harder than I thought
The things I see
The things I feel
The good, the bad
The fraud about to fade
I love but I hate
Enough for confusion
Time for betterment
Don’t you get in my way
Or I’ll have you slay
Get lost, out of my sight
I don’t care your agony inside
I love to be alone at night
This is something I have to decide
The price is my pride
I don’t have to cry
This is something I have to decide


Jakarta, may 30th, 1994

My LIFETIME

My LIFETIME


I’ve spent a lifetime
To make you happy
But see what I got
You scowled me

I’ve spent a lifetime
To make you proud
But see what you do
I got you grouch

Now I know why
Now I got the answer
Your love is the reason
Your possession
Your pride
Is the truth

I’ve spent a lifetime
Being someone I didn’t know
Being a stranger in this body of mine
I’ve been prisoned by your shadow
Now I see my soul flow
But can’t find
A way to show

I’ve spent a lifetime
Torture myself
In the cage
Put myself
In the blames
I see freedom across the bars
I feel happiness out of the cage
I got peace breaking the jail
But still I return…..


Jakarta, 13 desember 1993

YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING

I left my friends out of the door
For you that I adore
I don’t care what they say about you
This is me longing for you
This feeling inside
Is something I can’t hide
I’ll against all rule
I’ll be your fool
I don’t care
As long as I’m the only you care
I don’t care
As long as I’m the one you bear
I don’t care
As long as you there
No matter how far you go
No matter how fast you run
My mind will always flow
Each time see you my only sun
Thy past is so sad
Similarity we had
Thy past is so bitter
Will you let me make your future better
I love you
This isn’t something new
But when I see you
I knew you’ve wiped out all my blues
It’s truly a blessed
For I had you always
It’s truly a gift
For you my reason to live


Jakarta, April 23rd, 1997

After the Solitude

Back at home after three week long in solitude. Away from things i love, everyone i love. Away from everything that actually i'll never can let go nor let me go. The distance was inevitable. The distance was much needed. It gives me a chance to think and rethink. It shows me things closer than ever.
The loneliness was familiar yet still painful. At the end of the day, it gives me new perspective of how life goes on with or without me. With or without my approval. Despise as i can, life still loves me as it was always. And the strange thing was, no matter how fierce my denial was, can't really let life slip away from my breath.
Truth or not, life doesn't really care. All it care about is, live, or be left. All it does is just surround me with all it's glitters, all it's complications. Love will never rule life. Nothing in this world can rule life. Confusion is just tiny cost for all the promises. Woe or bliss, up to you to take it my dear readers, there's always choices and chances in life.

Pure Isn't thine

I’m a pure lure
To a fretting heart
Come and I waft you
To demise your arduous life

I am a true chalice
A symbol of oblivious recalcitrance
Matted your miserable tattered life
Incestuous approbation

Ebb o vindictive belligerent
Scurvy is thy abashing onus
Abattoir will not abate any tantrum
Just wait for the jarring succumb

Inept is thy clout
Marauders is thy proximity
Sordid is thy words
Mayhem should be jettison

Comprehend my words thy would diminish
Comprehend my soul thy would not be in squalid
Comprehend my weary thy would relent
Comprehend my tears thy could divulge

All my satire are not on thee
All my satire are not thine
It is solely mine
It is solely mine

Did you lie

Today I am the lonesome
Where are those promises
Where are those beauties
Where are thee

Love and all its complications
Hate and all its friends
Never expected to be so painful
Never knew could be this harmful

Who would’ve reject thee
None could’ve resist thee
For a glimpse of eternal happiness
For a hint of hope

Now I am on the verge of wretched
To the core
Now I am in the midst of excruciating
Grey zone

Confuse not my dear
Wonder not my love
This I swim through fire
This I am stupid

I never wanted any of these
I never expected any of these
I never dreamed any of these
Not if you did not lied

Today I am the cursed one
Where are thee
Where are thou words
What are thou made of

Promise me not
Seduce me not
Flirt me not
Not if you are not lying

I do not wish thy beauty
I do not hope thy lure
I do not seek thy palpitation
Not of you did not lie.

Love, Is it?

Love, Is It?

Is this love
Is this real love
Every turn every sides

See if this is a real love
You search all your life
You look every direction

See what it does
See what it cost
See what it made you

Happy as you can be
High as sky
Sorrow took you so low

Is this love
Is this real love
What about it

Let’s look around
What do you see
What do you feel

People faking it
People abusing it
People crying for it

Now what do you think
Now what do you feel
Now what are you going to do

Let’s be real
Let’s be honest
Let’s be true

Still believe in it?
Still dying for it?
Still on this side?